I had alot of gap years all through out my life. I usually don’t address what I truly feel about them because 1) its a hassle to hassle other people with my own problems and 2) it’s kinda hard to find someone who could understand what I had gone through. After all, my experience was my own and no one else.
I think it was when I watched Slow Start, a winter 2018 anime about a main character starting highschool a year late than others, that I was reminded of how these gap years of mine affected me and mold me into who I am today. The anime literally had shown me pretty much everything I went through. It was cringey to watch, but a good one. You might think that I’m just exaggerating it when I said everything. Well, I didn’t exactly experience what the characters had gone through, but it was the feelings, thoughts, and after effects of the gap year that made me resonate to the characters.
While the characters in the anime had experienced gap year because of an accident or an incident, mine was more of a choice I made which had alot of consequences.
The first one was when I restarted my college life after I dropped out of med school. In some ways, this is parallel to what happened to Hana in the anime. I was starting a new chapter of my life, and I had alot of anxieties about it. Like Hana, I was scared of what other people think of me. Would they know that I was alot older than most of my peers? Would they treat me differently once they know my secret? Alot of things went on my mind, and just like Hana, the first day of school was both scary and nerve-wrecking.
Slowly but surely, everything changed when I stopped paying much attention to my anxieties and face the world. I could now see clearly that there are people supporting me, encouraging me that I can do it, that I can be more than my anxieties. They really helped me alot. Still, the anxieties are still there, but now, I acknowledge there presence and try to correct them. It’s a long struggle, at least I am taking baby steps.
Well, all was good until I graduated. I experienced a gap year….again. I’m not sure if you guys know, but I graduated just last year, so all of these I’m sharing to you guys are still fresh. Lel. After graduation, I really thought I know where my life was going. I planned to take the board exam, passed it then find a job that I would enjoy. But all came crumbling when I wasn’t able to book a spot in the review center I wanted. I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to go to other review centers, but they felt unrealiable and are too far from where I am. I also tried self-reviewing, maybe just maybe I could still take the board exam. But I didn’t last long, I gave up and become a NEET. All my peers had careers and had something going on in there life, while me, was just in the house doing nothing. My anxiety levels was at all time high and I have nothing to counter it. I felt a total useless and drowned myself to boredom.
Cuz I had too much time on my hands, I watched alot of animes, tv series and idol stuffs just ot get my mind out of it. I joined alot of forums and discord servers to be able to communicateand share my thoughts about the things I love. It was at that time when I decided to create this blog of mine. It made me regain my a bit of my confidence and also regain my self-worth. I literally had thrown my anxieties at the back of my mind and focused on my own self-improvement. I didn’t care much about what my peers were doing, I was motivated to improve myself and be a better version of myself everyday, while also helping others.
In some ways, I could related this new gap year experience of mine to Shion’s. After graduating in college, she wasn’t able to get a job immediately and had nothing to do. She felt left out by her peers, but she was able to gain her footing when she succeeded as the new landlord of the apartment and took care of Hana who was struggling at that time. Like Shion, who had never planned to be a landlord, I also didn’t planned to be a blogger. It was an out of a whim thought of mine, still, I proceed with it and now, I am very happy.
While having support from alot of people was an effective way to overcome the anxieties, finding something to put your mind into and made it as a motivation to move forward also helped alot.
I’m not saying that all of this are the best solutions in overcoming anxieties, these stuff just happened to be effective to me. Lel. That also doesn’t mean that you need to have a gap year to be able to understand my anxieties, totally nope. Anxieties takes alot of form but its the same eerie feeling. There’s a chance you have it too, but with your everday life experience, you can’t feel it as much as I do.
Anxieties are always there, they might also be the ones who caused alot of bumps in your life. Still, It just depends on you on how you face them and overcome them. It takes awhile, indeed, but that shouldn’t stop you from moving forward. After all, to reach our future we need to look up ahead and not stand still. 🙂
Anyway, that’s it for now.
Thanks for reading.